


Like The Lotus Flower

by idrilhadhafang, idrilsdarkwritings (idrilhadhafang)



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Jyn Erso, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Child by Rape, Childhood Sexual Abuse, College Student Ben Solo, College Student Rey (Star Wars), Domestic Violence, Eventual Romance, Evil Snoke, Father/Son Incest, Female on Male Rape, Finn is a Windu, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Related, M/M, Minor Finn/Rey (Star Wars), Mother-Daughter incest, Parent/Child Incest, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape Recovery, Rape Support Group, Some Fluff, Therapy, Troubled Abuser, Uncle/Nephew Incest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:01:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25288720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang, https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilsdarkwritings
Summary: Ben joins a rape support group after his abuse at the hands of his great uncle, Snoke.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Kudos: 15
Collections: Darkpilot Creator Breakdown, The Darkpilot Library





	1. Jyn and Poe

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

”So you’re new to this group, aren’t you?”

Jyn Erso looked over him, critically. Ben couldn’t help but wonder if the remnants of his great-uncle’s assault lingered on him, like a particularly bad smell. If she could smell it on him, see it on him. Still, she seemed kind enough. Nothing judgey. That was good. 

”I am,” Ben said. “I thought I’d come here because...well, read between the lines; why do you think I’m here?” He sighed. “I’ve been attending therapy with Doctor Holdo; it was court-mandated.”

”That’s good,” Jyn said. 

”But yeah, my great-uncle sexually abused me.” 

Ben’s voice cracked even as he spoke. Next to him, the young man with curly black hair looked concerned. They all did. Ben didn’t know if it was better or worse, actually. 

"I guess I better explain,” Ben said. “My family tree’s fucking weird. See, my great-grandfather married my great-grandmother. If you can call it ‘married’. My grandfather said that he was...abusive to her. But she had five sons. My grandfather, and four of my great-uncles. The other three are okay, but the great-uncle that did stuff to me...” Ben took a deep breath. This was going to be painful. “My great-grandfather abused all his kids. Physically, emotionally, sexually...my grandfather actually told me about it so I would be protected from my great-grandfather.”

”It sounds like he really loved you," Jyn said. 

A young redheaded man scoffed. “You’re lucky in that regard.”

”Hux!” Jyn scolded. 

”My apologies.”

Jyn turned back to Ben. “You don’t have to tell us more if you don’t want to, Ben.”

”I figured I should," Ben said. “But my great-uncle Snoke...he’d been really messed up by the abuse. I just don’t know why he’d take it out on me; it happened way before I was born. He...”

(“ _I’m doing it to make you stronger. Are you ungrateful, boy_?”)

Ben took a deep, shuddering breath. “Just remembered something he said. But yeah, he hurt me. It was usually when my parents were out of the house. Dad saw him and he just lost his mind.”

(Blood. Bruises. Dad, pummeling Snoke over and over — considering how frail Snoke was, it didn’t take much to overpower him)

"Snoke got hospitalized, and later imprisoned when they found out why he got there.” Ben took another breath. “It should end there, but...the thing is, it just hurts so much. Hurts like a bastard. He wasn’t all bad. There were times he was nice to me...”

”I’d say someone who does that to you isn’t nice, Ben,” Jyn said gently. “Still, it’s not uncommon for survivors to have mixed feelings about their perpetrator. It does depend on the relationship. And the survivor themselves.”

***

It was outside the meeting, when the group had a break to have refreshments, draw, things like that, that Ben took some time to practice his art. Doctor Holdo had suggested that as a way to cope. The man with black curly hair walked over. “This table isn’t taken, is it?” he said. 

”No." Ben said. “Not at all.”

The man sat down. “I’m Poe. Poe Dameron. I know you’re Ben. Look...I’m glad you came here. I really am. There’s good people here. Even Hux is just prickly, y’know.”

”I have ears, Dameron!” Hux called over to him. 

”Sorry!” Poe turned back towards Ben. “But yeah, I’m sorry about your great-uncle. He sounds awful.”

”I admit there are times I don’t know what to think about him.”

”I say think and feel what you want to. I didn’t really know my attackers, but I can imagine it’s painful if you do." Then, “You draw?”

Ben nodded. “I’ve always been a bit artsy.”

”You’re good. Is that..."

”That one’s a Space Battles thing, yeah.” Not far from them, one of the members, Snap, was breaking up a dispute between two of the other group members. “It does have a certain...power, I guess. Facing your inner demons, dealing with difficult family members. At least my dad didn’t cut my hand off.”

Poe laughed. Somehow, Ben thought, he liked it, and wanted to get that out of him more. 

”Point. Yeah...what did you think of TROS?”

”Disappointing?”

They talked. And somehow, Ben wondered if that was how it ought to be, when you were just connecting with people. He supposed that he could like Poe. As a friend. 


	2. Home Lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get a glimpse into Ben and Poe’s lives, back at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Trigger warning for sexual assault/abuse and mentions of a child by rape.

“How was the group?”

That was how Tai, Ben’s roommate, greeted him as he walked inside the apartment they shared. 

”Better than it had any right to be,” Ben said, slumping down on the couch. “I mean...they were nice to me. And...I met someone.”

”Is that so.” Tai mused. 

Ben nodded. “His name’s Poe. Poe Dameron. He was very nice to me. Said he was actually glad I came. Imagine that!”

”That’s good,” Tai said. “That he was supportive of you.” 

“Yeah.” Ben took a deep breath. "It’s just...something. I’m still not really...I should hate great-uncle Snoke, but it’s not as easy as that. It’s...”

”There’s no ‘should’ with feelings,” Tai said. “Really.”

Ben supposed. It still was painful. Thinking of all the times Snoke could be kind to him, even though they had probably been fake in the end. 

And if they were fake, who was he?

***

”Papa!”

It was Poe’s daughter, Zoe, that all but barreled into him as he entered his apartment. Zoe was five, and Poe was glad, at least, that she looked almost nothing like the woman who had raped him and forced him to impregnate her. 

"Hey, Zoe.” Poe knelt down beside her and hugged her. She was a dear girl. She had nothing to do except blood-wise with the woman who bore her. She couldn’t. She was just a child. “How’s my wild girl?”

Zoe started chattering, chattering about how her big sister (half-sister, but still) Zorii had spent her day with her. Poe smiled, faintly. 

"...and Bazine was here too!” Zoe chirped. “I think Zorii and Bazine like each other!”

Across the room of Poe’s apartment, Zorii snorted. “We’re just friends, kiddo.”

Zoe just shrugged. 

***

”So,” Zorii said, once they’d eaten and Zoe was bathed and sleeping for the night, “How was the group?”

”I met someone new.”

Zorii arched a brow. “I’m listening.”

”Yeah. His name’s Ben. He’s...very brave.”

”You’d have to be,” Zorii said. "Going to that group.” 

”He’s just fun to be with,” Poe said. “We discussed Space Battles a bit.”

”And I’m guessing that you ranted a bit about TROS.” Zorii said lightly. 

”Hey, that movie was bullshit and you know it, Zorii.”

Zorii did laugh. Weakly. Then, more seriously, “Poe...are you getting better?”

”I feel like I am,” Poe said. “I mean, sometimes it flares up, but...”

Zorii nodded, solemnly. “I just want you to be happy,” she said. “You deserve happiness.”

It was more, Poe knew, than just being his friend. It was still clear that Zorii blamed herself a bit for what her mother did — making more of a big deal about it than the fact her own mother had molested her. 

”You do too,” Poe said. “More than anything.”

***

Zorii left, of course. Poe walked to Zoe’s room, watching his daughter sleep, her teddy bear clutched tightly in her arms. Poe smiled faintly. He hoped that she had the sweetest of dreams, without any care in the world. 

He headed to his own room, flopping on the bed and feeling exhaustion take him. He thought of Ben — even as he let exhaustion take him over. 


	3. Ordinary Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day at Ben’s college campus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Trigger warning for discussions of sexual assault and abuse.

Nightmares about fingers in places they shouldn’t be and blood weren’t new for Ben, but they weren’t any less distressing. At least Ben was glad he was awake, padding towards the kitchen where Tai was making breakfast. 

”You okay?” Tai said even as Ben sat at the table, feeling like his energy was all but sapped from him. 

“Yeah,” Ben said. “Just had a bad dream, that’s all.”

Tai looked at him, sympathetically. “About your great-uncle?”

”Yeah.” It felt good at least to wear the robe. At least it gave Ben some reassurance that the robe was touching him, and not Snoke’s long, unwanted fingers.

”It’ll...fade by degrees,” Tai said. “I’m sure it will.”

Ben snorted. “I’d say that that’s wishful thinking, Tai."

”I...suppose that was rude. I’m sorry.”

”Not your fault.” Ben took a sip of his coffee. “It’s just...frustrating. Doctor Holdo says that it’s all part of the process, but...I still hate it.”

He’d taken his rape kit and given his statement and put his great-uncle behind bars, and it still didn’t seem to end.

”You’re worth a million of him, Ben,” Tai said. “I just know it.”

***

Today was an on-campus day. Even as Tai walked with him onto the Chandrila City Campus, it was Rey who greeted him. Rey was his cousin, at least thanks to her relation to his great-uncle Trias. (Even the word “great-uncle” made Ben shudder. He had to remind himself that he was safe now, at least)

”You look like you didn’t sleep well,” Rey said. 

“What gave it away?” Ben said wryly as they walked up the steps to their college. Colleges had been reopened tentatively in 2021 after the COVID-19 pandemic had gotten under control. Ben didn’t think he’d actually be proud to see the campus again. 

“Your eyes,” Rey said, seriously. 

Finn Windu joined her, and they hugged. There was something about it where Ben just envied its ease. It was something that he couldn’t say came easily to him. Sometimes he wondered who was going to pull the rug out from under him next. He had thought he could trust Uncle Snoke — his bad great-uncle, he reminded himself — and...well, look how that had turned out. 

It was better to be on guard, Ben thought, before you got hurt. 

They entered the college. At least Ben could say that it was a source of refuge, all things considered. 

***

”How did your Sunday go?” Rey said. She was trying the cheese fries — that was Rey, Ben thought with a smile even as they sat in the food court. Curious and enthusiastic about things. 

“I went to a group,” Ben said. 

Finn raised an eyebrow. “Did you?”

Tai smoothly cut in. “It’s a roleplaying group,” he said. “Ben’s into roleplaying games.”

Ben made a mental note to Tai to thank him. Rey knew about his trauma, had nearly been affected herself though Snoke had mostly gone the non-contact route with her, but Finn? Finn had no idea. 

Finn was definitely more on the “secondhand trauma” end of things. His father, Mace, had been gang-raped as a younger man by a cult. Or so Finn had said. Mace had been extremely protective of Finn as a result.

Ben could never say if Mace or Finn was more protective of the other. 

“Huh.” Finn’s voice drew Ben back into the present. “Didn’t know that about you, Ben.”

Ben shrugged. “You learn something new every day.”

He talked about Poe. Carefully altering details, of course — altering them so that Finn wouldn’t catch on that Ben was attending a rape support group. 

“Sounds like a cool guy,” Finn said. Then, “So, random question: what’s the point of chili fries? Who even likes them?”

Ben snorted with laughter, relieved at least to see that Finn was changing the subject. 

***

Professor Tano taught Ben’s class. More specifically, psychopathology. Stuff like that seemed like trigger-central, but after what had happened to him, Ben wanted to become a social worker. Wanted to help people, somehow. 

Even as she talked about the basics of psychopathology, studying people with significant psychological distress, Ben listened. Took notes.

He had to. 

***

The rest of the day was exhausting, Ben reflected as he got back to his apartment he shared with Tai. At least, he thought, he could say that he’d made it through. 


End file.
